Mother-Love

Love & Honor Thy Mother. It's an unwritten law.

(Actually, it may even be written down ... Is it a commandment? IF not, perhaps it was on the tablet was dropped? You didn't know that there were 15 Commandments? Oh, I feel so sorry for you! Obviously, you never went to catholic school, but that's another blahg entirely ...)

You are an unnatural child if you don't love/honor your mother, right? What about when she goes into menopause and never comes out? What about when she acts so childishly evil that even Mother Theresa would bitch-slap her?

15 years of daily menopause ... is that normal? Is this an inherited gene? Please say no! And when menopause turns your beloved mother into a pod person filled with unending vindictiveness and petty evils, are you still required to honor and respect her?

I thought so.

Well, never mind ... I was just checking. ;p

Okay, I don't know what's wrong, but for some reason, we don't have anywhere near the projected numbers of cicadas! Am I disappointed? Kind of. I thought it would be fun to watch how the uninitiated handled having drunken bugs, BIG love-drunk bugs, flying lopsidedly into their hair, where they would hang, buzzing crazily, beating webby wings furiously as they try to detangle themselves from the unwilling hair trap.

Of course the owner of the hair would not be calmly accepting of this phenomenon, oh, no sirreeeee. They would be jumping out of their skin, leaping in a frenzy of head shaking and flailing (which only tangles the bug more firmly in your hair) while stomping on more of the crunchy critters who are creeping slowly across the ground in their search for love.

As a matter of fact, an odd but true fact too, most cicada-induced "injuries" during this 17-year visit are to canines (from overeating of the crunchy critter--the vet likened the piles of cicadas in yards to a yard paved in "chicken nuggets", as far as your dog is concerned. Note to self, do NOT allow the dog to go out alone.)

During the last infestation, 17-years ago, it was kids who were visiting the emergency rooms, not the dogs. Most of the injuries were linked to bicycles, too. Panicked children were evidently running off of their bikes, trying to escape dive-bombing cicadas.

So far, the only "shock and awe" I've seen during this cicada campaign has been the size, amount and frequency of the bird droppings on my car, the driveway, the street, the front doorstep ... haven't these birds eaten enough?

You say Cicada, I say Secada

Which is worse: an invasion, nay, infestation of billions of "brood X" cicadas, or a John Secada song-fest?

Here's the form my nightmare would take ... song titles all:

Just Another Day, Papi, El Ultimo Adios, Love's About to Change My Mind, Stop, If I Never Knew You, I'm Free, Too Late Too Soon, There's No Sunshine Anymore, When You're Gone, Angel, One of a Kind, Eyes of a Fool, Better Part of Me, Es Por Ti, No Sunshine, If you go, Believe, and my personal favorite Lost Inside of You proving the stereotype that, typical man, he will not stop to ask for directions, no matter where he's trying to go.

Cicada, Secada, Tomato, Tomahto ... Let's call the whole thing off! :)

New Look for an old Blahg

What do you think of the new look of the old Blahg?

I thought the seascape template was perfect, especially in light of the upcoming nuptials of Peekay & Esteban!

In only 5 days the beach vacation begins, and in only 11 days the Riches will be multiplied by a Peekay!

Whoooo-Hoooooo! :D

It's good to be missed!

Peekay picked up on the fact that the Blah-Blah-Blahg was down before Sharondarella, the blahg owner ... what does that say to you? It's sounds to me like Sharondarella is a bad, BAD Blahger ... STILL!

It pains me to say it too, since Sharondarella promised to be a better blahger. Shall we review her life over the past few weeks to see if perhaps we can pinpoint exactly what distractions she is suffering that are taking her from blahgdom?

The End of Friends as we know it - After reading Peekay's scathing denunciation of the Friends dénouement, we know that it couldn’t have been riveting enough to excuse her disappearance for weeks at a time. Even though Sharondarella once had a boyfriend who was went into a decline and withdrew from society after his favorite Laker’s basketball player announced that he was HIV-positive, and Magic-ally withdrawing from the game, that doesn’t mean SHE can be that silly.

The traumatic 10.5 Miniseries – I think we can all vouch that Sharondarella was severely moved after watching that glorious undertaking. However, unless she is off building a better model train and attempting to recreate that stunningly misguided stunt, then we really can’t accept this as a valid excuse, either.

The Great Pill Conspiracy – I happen to have some insider information about Sharondarella which I will share with you: she has just begun a new regiment of oral contraceptives and these pills have had a dramatic impact on her … um … “sexcapades” shall we say? ;) She was warned that this might cause a reduction in her libido, but she never expected that it would actually lead her to finally break up with her boyfriend of more years than she cares to admit. There are some very powerful ingredients in those drugs, because nothing else has ever caused this kind of cure!

Sleepless nights spent comparing the dangers of eating trans fats vs. cicadas - Did you know that eating cicadas can be worse than trans fats? If not, then you obviously haven’t spoken to Sharondarella lately. Doctors are warning that cooking cicadas (perhaps we should just say “eating them” since so many idiots are eating them raw) can lead to allergic reactions, such as hives and breathing problems, mainly caused by ingesting 17 years of underground absorption of pesticides and other toxins. I think I’ll take the trans fatty Twinkie, thank you.

American Idol Trauma & Power Dialer corruption – Sharondarella was so incredibly sure that Latoya would win. Actually, anyone who’s been watching the show knows that Latoya or Fantasia are sure to win, perhaps Diana. Instead, Latoya gets the boot and wrong-note warbling Jasmine goes to the Final Three! Sharondarella has boycotted the show, (but I’ll tell you a secret --- she watched it tonight, despite her vows not to.)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban opens June 4th, and Shrek this week – Sharondarella has fairly questionable taste in movies. On her list of “to see movies” are Mean Girls, 13 Going on 30, Harry Potter, Shrek II, Van Helsing and Raising Helen. Does this say anything to you about Sharondarella’s mind? Hmmmmm, it sure explains a lot to ME!

New job – Okay, NOW we’re getting somewhere. Sharondarella started her new job on May 2nd. She’s been kept pretty busy and her organization skills have been spread thinner than normal. One might even say she’s been almost scatter-brained (but that would be cruel, so we won’t say it.)

Basically, none of this excuses her, but I’m sure she’ll take this to heart and use it as a reason to be a better blahger. And hopefully it will get her re-established on the list of active Peekay blog links.

I just finished watching "10.5" an NBC 2-night Mini-Series about when the big one hits the West Coast.

The most affecting moment in the movie was when a government advisor turns to Beau Bridges (the US President, in the movie) and says "It's over!" and old Beau gets a close-up as he cranks out a tear.

I too, felt like crying. I had just spent two nights in a row, watching for a cinematic miracle of stunts and an emotionally wrenching story of survival ... but instead got stunts so bad it felt like something out of the 60's, and emotion the likes of which I've never seen and hope never to again. Have they learned nothing from Peter Jackson's WETA rendition of special effects marvels?

There were several scenes in particular that were so BAD that it inspired me to blahg tonight, tired though I am:

A speeding train was barely outrunning the fault as it swallowed up all of the train tracks, drawing out the excruciating inevitability of the train getting sucked into the maw of the ravening fault ... am I the only one who wonders why exactly the train was built on a FAULT? And why it took so long to actually swallow the tracks? Not to mention it was very obviously a model train. Pathetic.

But, unfortunately, worse was yet to come: The Collapse of the Golden Gate bridge. If only they hadn't felt compelled to use models again, AND, to save money, they didn't use very many of the bad models. Instead, there was an actor doing a really, REALLY bad "reporter on the scene" reporting what he sees ... If I was NBC, I'd have slapped CBS's logo on that pathetic excuse of a movie and make sure that everyone who was in that movie never works in movies again.

That was last night. I almost didn't watch tonight because it was so bad last night. If only I'd listened to my inner voice.

The crowning moment of the movie, the point at which you are to feel completely terrorized by the helplessness of the victims, roused me to total apathy. ;p This was when the fault widened and let the ocean in, creating Las Frisco, a new Island off the coast ... meanwhile, you could watch the magic of computers as it very, VERY obviously showed someone's cheesy computer rendition of the ground crumbling away to be replaced by foaming water.

Meanwhile, they did a slow-mo of people "falling" into shallow pits and "desperately running" that was laughable. Then, when it's all over, Beau is shedding his crocodile tears, and the very untalented cast was obviously directed to shuffle mindlessly towards the cliff like a bunch of lemmings, because that's what they did.

I have never been so irritated with myself before. I could have gone to bed at 9:00 after American Idol. Now THAT was worth watching! :)

Hope you spent your evening involved in something more interesting than me.

Oh, and today was my first day at my new job, and I'm not even inspired to say anything about that! :) I'll write about it tomorrow when I'm not so bitter about my television viewing choice. G'nite!