Press Conference of the President (aka, the Bad Tie Convention)

My evening of tv watching was abruptly interrupted by the President's Press Conference. Embarassing to admit, but I've been so busy I had no idea it was planned for tonight.

Peekay, SteveO and I had just sat down, and since this is important, we stayed on the channel rather than surfing over to the cable channels. When President Bush made his entrance I was very happy to see that he was not sporting one of those hideous baby blue ties he seems to have a great fondness for; as a matter of fact, he had picked a very pleasing, very strong red power tie. I kept noticing how well it matched the red carpet. (Hey, it's been a tough week, okay?) :D

However, engrossed as I was in what the President had to say, I soon found myself distracted by all of the bad ties worn by members of the Press. They say justice is blind? So is the person responsible for making some of these ties! There was this one tie, a bright green stripey monstrosity that almost made me bleed from the eyes. It was followed by a striped blue one that one drove me out of the room. I had to boycott the rest of the Press Conference and read about it later on the White House website.

From the Wetass Chronicles

Click on the title above. You'll be glad you did. I just finished reading it and I'm still laughing ...

And yes, I admit it, I clicked on the porn site to view it for myself, but didn't go any further because I was scared to go too far into that dark forest! Heee-heeee-heeeee!

Custard's Last Stand

Growing up I thought Custard was rice pudding and I didn't want any part of it. However, once I started calling it "ice cream" no matter what it's true ingredients were, I no longer cared, as long as it was frozen and creamy. :)

This past weekend I rediscovered the Famous Frozen Dairy Bar, a Falls Church staple since the 50’s.

The last time I had been to this fantastic place they were located on Rt. 29 and had the machine to make twistee dipped cones (for those of you who are uninitiated, a twistee is vanilla & chocolate, twisted together in a delightful upward swirl of delight, and dipped means they upend it in liquid chocolate which immediately hardens into the most amazing chocolate shell.)

The Frozen Dairy bar had disappeared off my radar screen for a few years. Then suddenly, Peekay mentions that she and Steve-o had stopped for these great frozen custard treats in waffle cones, and DING-DING-DING! Suddenly I could think of nothing else but those twistee custard cones.

Of course, when Peekay mentioned that Steve-O had prescriptions at the CVS, I graciously offered my taxi service to Peekay because she is just too pregnant to drive. And if we just so happened to walk into the Frozen Dairy bar afterwards, well, who could blame us? We were fighting the hordes of crazies who were jostling for parking places so they could go to the IHOP for their Rootie-Tootie-Fresh & Frooty fixes. So, if we decided to get some ice cream before we had to go back out to the parking lot, who could blame us?

We went in the door and I discovered what Heaven smells like. All of those people who like to speculate on the afterlife and what it’s like … I can tell them exactly. It is a frozen dairy counter, cinnamon waffle cones and the smell in that shop. While we were debating on what to have, our attention was caught by the calendar that listed the daily specials. We missed Death By Chocolate by one day. Dammit.

When my number is up, that’s how I want to go.

We settled for chocolate and vanilla scoops (no more twistee cones, sad to say) in vanilla cones with chocolate sprinkles. As the frozen dairy angel was making our treats, we discovered the “to-go” freezer so conveniently packed with a multitude of delights. Peekay pounced on the vanilla custard sandwiched with Oreo Cookies, labeled “lazy cow.”

Now, I have to say, much as I like their frozen custard, I don’t really appreciate their marketing efforts.

I’ve seen “skinny cows” in the frozen section at the grocery stores (for those of you on a low fat diet, craving an ice cream treat, you MUST seek these out. Go NOW! Run if you have to, they are worth it!) and that name I get. There are these svelte, sexy cows parading across the label. However, “Lazy Cow” does not present the same pleasing effect. In fact, they might as well get it over with and just call these what they meant to “You Fat Ass Lazy Cow … you know you’re going to eat all 8 of these yourself, don’t even try to pretend!”

See what I mean?

After that, I decided that I was going to pass on the “Lazy Cows” and just have my walk-away cone … with 3 scoops of chocolate and vanilla ... and a liberal coating of chocolate sprinkles … for $.45 extra … worth every penny.

Load Loosening ...

I've heard people say that life is a "great adventure" a statement I think is fundamentally true, however, I do wonder if my "adventures" are what people have in mind when they make that statement?

Here's an example of my most recent "adventure", a fairly typical one for me:

I was driving on a treacherous stretch of highway I-95 just outside of Washington DC, at at a fairly steady rate of speed in the midst of many other vehicles, also maintaining the same steady rate of 80mph.

In the middle lane, several vehicles up, was an 18-wheeler loaded with cars; it was one of those scary carriers that has cars sitting precariously on its open racks, held in place by flimsy looking chains, and with every bump in the road the cars look like they're going to bounce right off and land on the hood of your car, or if you're lucky, bounce over you and take out a few cars behind you.

Suddenly, like something out of a movie, the truck swerved violently into the lane to the right. This caused pandemonium amongst the mass of 80mph drivers to the right and they all slammed on their brakes, some dodging off the road onto the shoulder, others managing to maintain control without being forced to do anything drastic (thus signifying the difference between those who can drive 80mph, and those who shouldn't.)

The driver of the truck just as violently swung his truck back into his previous lane, setting off a chain reaction among drivers to the left of him. I was convinced that one of the following scenarios had occurred:

1. He was suicidal and was going to jackknife his truck
2. He'd been taking drugs to keep himself awake and they weren't working.
3. He had suddenly snapped and was about to go on a rampage, starting with the cars around him.

No matter what the scenario, I didn't want to be around for it, so I hit the gas pedal to zoom by him, because I'd rather be in front of him than behind him when whatever was about to happen happened.

As I pulled up next to him, I knew I was going to have to look at the driver of the truck, because I was wondering what was wrong with him; I was prepared to give him a freezing look of disdain, or perhaps the disbelieving-raised eyebrows-head shake. I looked over and I froze, forgetting for a moment that I was driving a rental car, that I was traveling at speed in excess of 80mph, that one should glance, not stare, when one is driving ... I forgot all of this because I couldn't believe what I saw ...

The driver was almost buck naked!

I say almost because he had his knees up around the steering wheel and was trying to remove his red briefs, which were at mid-thigh at that point, and he was steering, badly, with his knees.

My immediate thought? These lyrics from a famous song by the Eagles:

"I was driving down the road, tryin' to loosen my load ..."

I don't know how he was maintaining his speed, unless there was cruise control in that truck, or even more colorful and fun to imagine, someone crouched on the floor holding the accelerator down. (Perhaps waiting to help "loosen his load" further?)

He was definitely going to have "a world of trouble on his mind" if he didn't "take it easy" I knew that I didn't want to be around to watch that show, so I hit the gas ($2.42/gallon and I wasted several precious ounces stomping on that pedal) and took off, giggling like a maniac.

The moral of this story? Um, don't ever think that the millions of pieces of the song lyrics you have stored in your head are useless. They will pop out at the oddest times and amuse the heck out of you (and if I was able to tell this story properly, maybe give you a giggle, too!) :D

Post Recovery

HEY! Has everyone seen the very cool "recover post" button in your editing window? It's a very neat concept. Why do I say "Concept"? Because I actually tried to use it ... and guess what? It didn't work. :( And I didn't clean out my cookies or cache files, so I guess I'm just not supposed to be able to recover files. So, until it does work, I'll continue to blahg in Word and copy to blogger. I lose too many files otherwise, and there is just no coming back from that.

Have a good night and I hope the force is with you, if you should ever have to try to "Recover Posts"

:)

Resume Recriminations, Revisited ...

I am happy to report that the sleep was just the thing I needed to get my grasp firmly back on reality. :) NO WAY should I call the interviewer and admit something like "I'm not worthy, I'm not, I'm not!" because then of course, you are NOT worthy! Luckily, Steve-O and Papa-Bear managed to beat that into my head before I made the call that there would be no coming back from. And Peekay reinforced my decision not to call with her support. I am a lucky girl.

Interview #2 scheduled for next week. I'll let you know if they still think I'm worthy after they hear that worthy doesn't come cheap. :D

Resume Recriminations

So I have this horrible fear that my new resume is misrepresenting me. I recently did a very fast (and apparently not very well-edited) revision to update and properly showcase my skills.

I read it over tonight while prepping for interview questions when I realized I made a mistake that I will now have to either explain, or correct before I can send it out: it looks like I am in charge of Sales/Marketing for my entire company, rather than just a portion of it. I think this could be a pretty big error, don’t you? I don't know if I should call the person I'm interviewing with, so I don't waste his time, in case, or go and tell him in person, while hoping for the best?

I’ve got guilt pangs keeping me awake now, and indecision gnawing at me. :( Mainly because it's a magnificent job and I very selfishly want to go interview, regardless.

What to do?
Sleep on it. That's the number one priority ... sleep. How else can I think quickly on my lying feet tomorrow? HA! Never fear, there will be NO lying here. I don't want to make them think I'm something I'm not. :)

American Idolotry

Tonight I spent an hour of my life watching American Idol.
I was disappointed to see that America decided to let off-key Scott go back to safety while Bo & Nadia, both on-key singers, sweated it out. Nadia got the boot and Bo got a reprieve. Nadia is tremendously talented ... I'm sure we'll see her again, no fears.

Of course, I'm still waiting for LaToya London to finish her album ... I LOVED LaToya.

Life is like a ... 7-layer chocolate cake!

"Life is short. Eat dessert first."

Words to live by, and tonight I did. I had the most awesome yellow Bundt cake with cinnamon/sugar swirls dragged through it. And then I had a second piece because the first just wasn't good enough.

God, I hope someone else finishes that damn cake before I do because I'm thinking about the next piece already.

Searching for ... new movies to watch

On Monday night I watched “50 First Dates” (if you haven’t seen it, you need to. GREAT movie!) while simultaneously watching “Searching for Bobby Fisher” (I am an awesome channel flipper, my skills would make you so jealous I think you’ll scream!) That makes twice in one month, for a movie that’s been around for awhile … I think someone is telling me something: 1. That I need to start paying for a few newer movies, or, 2. That I'm watching too much television.

I choose to ignore both of those, believing instead that I am being given permission to buy another movie for my collection. Since I am not one to deny myself frivolous urges, I went to Amazon and added the movie to my wishlist.

I then went out and did some “Searching” for Josh Waitzkin, the chess phenom that this movie centers around. Such a heartwarming film! The movie is based on a book by Josh’s father. So, of course, I now need the book. Then I found that a grown up Josh has created an interactive software program to help wannabe better chess players; you guessed it … I need that too. :)

I love me this week and I’m not afraid to tell me!

Killing Birds

I am sans car ... again. My truck is back at the transmission place and so here I sit, all alone, no truck. Walking to work tomorrow. (HA! NOT!) ;)

"Sharondarella, what happened to your truck?"

I'm glad you asked, because I'm wanting to whine:

The O/D light came on during the drive home from work yesterday, so I pulled the manual and this is what it said: “Depress the Overdrive button and see if it will stop blinking. If it does, great. If not, get your ass to the garage IMMEDIATELY or your transmission will fall out!”

Of course, the technical writers employed by Ford Motor Company tried to be more blasé about it, but since I have already learned the hard way that Fords have a history of transmission problems, I believe they should be more urgent, less blasé … I think a letter to Ford is in order.

Perhaps I should send them a copy of my resume, because I love the products, and I could be the best manual writer they’ve ever seen. They need some language in there that everyone can understand. I would start by renaming the O/D button. When a problem occurs it would not flash “O/D Off” … it would flash “Oh DAMN!” followed by a quick “Pull over NOW!”

I think Ford might get on board with my layman’s approach to the car manual, don’t you?

Meanwhile, I am still without a vehicle while parts are being ordered for my truck. This is just wrong.

I didn’t want to have to buy a new vehicle before buying a house … maybe I’ll just buy a Winnebago and kill two birds with one stone. (That’s a terrible saying, isn’t it? I don’t actually want to kill ANY birds … but I’m sure you picked up on that.) Can you see me parking my home outside of work? I would always be bringing work home with me. On a good note, I could go home for lunch every day. :)

I just checked out Winnebago's website:



Did you know they have one called a "Mini Winnie"? It sounds absolutely cute and adorable, but I don't know for sure because their stupid virtual tours are in QuickTime.

I think I might have to check into this Winnebago thing. At first I was kidding, but now I'm liking the sound of it. I could be like Clive Griswald's in-laws, seeing the world in their motor home. ;D

Of course, it is after 12:00am and I get some of my more wacky ideas at this time of the night ... ;D

The Dubious Pleasures of a New Haircut

I'm not so sure I'm enjoying my new haircut: Jenni cut my hair while she was feeling very sickly and I think she may have taken it out on my hair.

I've got a hidden cowlick in the back of my head that normally isn't a problem because I have thick, very heavy hair. For years it was covered by a curtain of bouncy curls, but I gradually weaned myself off the perms and surrendered to Mother Nature’s legacy: straight, heavy hair with no body (sort of describes me physically, too! ;D Hee-heee!) Mother Nature is a real MUTHA! ;p

Anyway, Jenni razored my hair into cut layered locks that are wavy and bouncy and light … but I think she forgot about my cowlick in the process. My hair is making a loop in the back of my head. It looks like a shepherds hook on the crown of my head.

I may have to get a perm to disguise this thing, but if I do that, I’ll end up with sausage curls and hair short enough to confuse me for a boy! My worst fear in life is to look like a pear! That’s why I always have to have hair at least to my shoulders.

Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to go into semi-seclusion until this grows out. :( No more dates for me. Maybe that’s a blessing in disguise because all of the males I’ve met have been “guys” not “men” … where the hell are all of the men hiding? I know, Pennsylvania, right? Ha. I may be emigrating to Pennsylvania sooner than I thought. There is a thriving Amish culture there, so I could cover my shorn locks with a cap and hide out there and no one would know … like Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen did in that really silly movie they made. ;)

Can you tell I stayed up way too late on a Daylight Savings time weekend? I’m so tired I can’t link normal sentences!

Bedtime! :)

Which is better - TV or Blogging?

Two of my favorite movies were on tv tonight:

* The Shawshank Redemption

* Searching For Bobby Fisher

It really made for a great night of couch potatoism, and I lost all of my desire to blah-blahg. So, for me on this particular night, the question was an easy one to answer: TV! :)

Hair Splitting

I finally got the long-anticipated hair cut. It's odd. My hair grows so incredibly fast. I just got it cut before heading out to the extremely unforgettable Disney vacation/virus-from-hell trip, yet, looking at how long & unkempt my hair was, you'd swear that it had been a good 6 months or so. I remember the days of permanents with great fondness. Then I could truly go 6 months without a haircut and it would all blend together. With the straight do I'm sporting now, it's about 6 weeks on average. That means, my dog and I are on the same grooming schedule.

At least his appointments are cheaper than mine.

When I go to get my hair cut, I always end up buying "products" ... this can be a mere $5.00 (Ha! Not when I shop!) or, more likely, $30.00+ for shampoo/conditioner/hairspray. I've recently fallen in love with Aveda's hand repair lotion, which is $5.00 for the SMALL size! It's sick how expensive all of this stuff is. However, when I think of budgeting, cutting back on hair product doesn't come into the equation! ;D

I think I could justify a perm, though. That would be a real budget saver. Plus, I miss my curls. Straight hair is so boring. And all of my beauteous highlights got cut out. I can see a trip back to the salon in my not-too-distant future. How can I exude confidence on my job hunt with mousy winter hair? I can't! :)

And so goes another very titillating blahg entry. :)

I spent my Saturday cleaning and I'm just pooped! I know, you're probably wondering what's so special about YOUR Saturday cleaning, Sharondarella, vs. MY Saturday cleaning?

Well, I'll tell you!

I got up at the crack today, and it was really hard to do. It was a dark and stormy night, followed by a gloomy and rainy morning. The kind of day that is meant to be a lazy, sleep-in day. Not for me, though. The parentals have their house on the market and Saturday is house hunting day for everyone. So, I reluctantly rolled out of bed, cleaned my bathroom, made my bed, noticed a bit of doggy odor so sprayed Febreeze (which doesn't work, sorry, but I'm still waiting for someone to say they think it does) and made my bed. Then I de-personalized (ie, removed things like deodorant, makeup, toothbrush, etc.) and made sure all was spic&span, before grabbing my bag of spare clothes and trotting out the door to go to Peekay & SteveO's house.

Poor Peekay & SteveO didn't get to sleep in today either, so I shouldn't whine so much. :) Once I got to their house I helped to clean the house and de-box some of their household goods that were still boxed ... thereby helping all of the nosey people who want to snoop around; they won't have to dig through boxes, but instead can see everything without having to do more than a bit of surreptitious poking ... ;p

Unfortunately, SteveO's fondness for hunting magazines has spread to the bathroom. It was a bit unnerving to perch on le toilet and see, at eye level, a big horny deer glaring from the cover of a magazine. Especially since the article was a gardening issue geared towards how to plant the crops that will yield an abundant deer hunting season in fall ... it never occurred to me that when I decided whether or not to plant carrots instead of lettuce that it was affecting my deer crop. Learn something every day, I guess. Now, whether I wanted to know how to attract deer so I could kill them easier, I guess that splitting hairs, and I've done enough of that today with this big hair cut. :)

Sharondarella is going to bed now because she has already lost an hour's sleep and her beauty is now suffering. Happy Spring Ahead!