There's No Place Like Home ...

Today was absolutely gorgeous weather! It was one of the days I like the best (minus the high pollen count, of course) with an almost cloudless sky, bright clean blue and blinding sun ... brisk wind and warm sunshine. So, to take advantage of the day, and to entertain the visiting out of town guests, we all went to a boat show!

I went along strictly for something to do, because, as those of you who know me can attest, I don't have enough money to buy frivolous items right now, and won't until I'm gainfully employed again. So, I was a looker. But not for long.

Oh, in case I forgot to mention it, which I did, this was a boat show that was in the water at the Two Rivers Yacht Club in the Governor's Land, (excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse ME!) so all of the wealthy inhabitants were out slumming and checking out all of the "little" boats at the show, making sure that none of them was bigger than their own. (Get over yourself, please!)

As we are walking around, I spot a HUGE 40' Regal Yacht towering over all of the other boats and, just for the heck of it, went aboard to see what it was like.

I am doomed.

This boat was SPECTACULAR!

But it cost more than the house I hope to buy someday soon!

As I was standing in this boat, in one of the two luxurious master suites, I was doing mental math, trying to figure out how I could buy this. This boat has 3 levels! AND it can travel! ON WATER! That beats a Winnebago, now, doesn't it? It was the most luxurious, glamorous thing I'd ever seen. There was a full kitchen with a flat surface cooktop, microwave, blender, a flat screen tv with dvd and vcr, a washer and dryer, 2 BRs and 2 full baths, and that was just for starters!

However, I was told by the boating experts that this one is not nearly as luxurious as most yachts. I don't care about most yachts, though, I just want THIS one!

I'm ready to sell off everything I own and move aboard. However, I do have a question, before I do so ... Do you think you can establish squatters rights on a boat?

WRBO-QB!

I just commented on Peekay's blog and before I could finish I had to enter my random word verififcation to id me as a non-spammer. My word verification for today was "wrboqb" and I must say, I really like it!

I like it so much that I think I'm going to adopt it as my cool, new phrase for the month of April!

Maybe I'll even put it on my license plate! "WRBO-QB!" Just think how nuts that'll make all those people (like my mother) who can't rest until they figure out the various license plate puzzles that zoom by. I've known my mother to stalk motorists for miles out of her way while she tries to figure out their crazy license plate anagrams. Heh-heh-heh!

Sounds like it could be a great name for the newest crazy baby show on Noggin! Don't laugh ... do you know how much those people are making, creating shows/characters that appeal to babies and attention challenged children? Here are some examples: "oobi" "zee" "miffy" "ebb" aaaaaaaaaaaaaand WRBO-QB!

See? Fits like a glove!

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, A Spending I Will Go!

I love the Wizbang Blog.

Earlier today I sent an email around to a select few about the proposed May 1st protest by the illegal immigrants sheltering here in the USA. I actually felt somewhat guilty because the personal narrative was so slanted and almost too passionate, if you know what I mean.

You know those people who you try to avoid at parties, the ones who like to thrust their political opinions on you, at the top of their lungs and emphasized by drops of projectile spittle that's been rocketed out of their mouths by the passion of their beliefs? Well, the person who wrote the comments on the email I forwarded was one of those. Oh, heck, here's the email, so you can read it for yourself:

WASHINGTON (AFP) Immigrants' rights advocates, elated by the resounding success of Monday's "National Day of Action," which drew the backing of hundreds of thousands of protesters across the United States, now are planning a national boycott which they hope will have an even greater resonance. Organizers are planning the May 1 "Great American Boycott," urging illegal immigrants -- who cannot vote a nd who have only limited political power -- to flex their economic muscle. Protesters are being urged to refrain from shopping, and to stay away from school and work.

You should take a moment to let that sink in.

This is a movement orchestrated by people who entered the US illegally, and then want to scream about their "rights." WHAT RIGHTS? YOU DON'T EVEN BELONG HERE!

Let's take a look at some of the many benefits that illegal aliens have blessed our great country with: Street gangs, graffiti, drugs, skyrocketing healthcare, depreciation of property value, illiteracy. The list could go on. What they actually have to offer (cheap labor) pales to what they have given our country to deal with. I'll take expensive vegetables over expensive healthcare any day!

And now, like terrorists, they are going to attack our economy -- the one entity that makes our nation stand out from all the others. The backbone of our nation. The country they came to like locusts so they could reap the benefits is now the focus of their boycott. You've seen it on TV: Marching on our American streets waving their Mexican flags, boldly showing that they can be more racist than who they accuse of, and yet the obvious is totally oblivious to them...... IF YOU'VE GOT IT SO BAD HERE, THEN LEAVE!!!

To all the real Americans, you can do one small thing on May 1st, 2006. It won't be racist, nor will it be violent. It will not be boastful, arrogant, selfish, nor distasteful. It will not be any of those things that our "guests" have already displayed. What it will do is nullify a movement.

All you have to do is buy something on May 1st. Make up for what they will try to take away. It doesn't have to be a new car or house (unless you were already planning on getting one). It simply needs to be a day of trading.

Hold off grocery buying until May 1st. Take your wife out to eat that night. Get the kids pizza, hamburgers, whatever! Make several trips to the convenience store. Buy your meals at work. Fill up your tank. Shop for clothes, furniture, outdoor equipment. If it needs to be bought, BUY IT MAY 1st!

Those are just a few suggestions. We're not asking you to spend your inheritance that day, but just to spend more than you normally would. Even if it's only a few dollars, this will help soften the blow that the Mexicans will try to inflict on our economy that day. It sounds trivial at first, but if this idea gets around, what the Mexicans set out to do will fail.

As you can see, this person was just a teensy bit upset when he penned this ... Soooo, feeling a bit guilty, before sending to my email people I had to clarify that I was NOT a racist, but just proud of this country and not wanting to see ANYONE tear it down, and I would be out spending some of my VERY hard-earned money on Monday ... this is how I summed it up, in my very eloquent way:

GO USA ECONOMY! BUY STUFF! YIPPEE!

But I still felt guilty for sending on the overly passionate, borderline frothing at the mouth, email.

Then I went to Wizbang and read a very rational take on the whole May 1st situation and I feel SO MUCH BETTER now. The ability to present one's view, without spitting on anyone, is a very overlooked and underrated skill that all should learn. Follow the link (click the blog title)above and read it for yourself. Afterwards, you will find yourself saying: GO USA ECONOMY! BUY STUFF MONDAY! YIPPEE!

Ticket to Ride

Last night I dreamed I won the lottery. Again.

How many times do you have to have a dream before it happens? I've had that dream at least five times now. Each time, it's a BIG win, too. Don't think I'm not buying a ticket for tonight's MegaMillions drawing...

With all of this foreshadowing, it's going to be a distinct letdown if I don't win soon! ;D

And then of course, I hear about a story like this one, while I'm eagerly clutching my ticket, waiting for my ship to come in ...

$853,492 Powerball Ticket Expires
By Oren Dorell, USA TODAY

(April 18) -- One of two second-place lottery tickets worth a combined $1.7 million expired Monday, 180 days after a record Powerball lottery jackpot was drawn.

Sara Westerman, a spokeswoman for the Kentucky Lottery, said no one claimed the ticket sold in that state by the 5 p.m. deadline.

The other ticket was sold in Colorado, where the holder had until midnight Mountain Time to claim the prize.
All day people came to talk about the ticket where it had been sold at the Hebron BP in Hebron, Ky., said Rahul Patel, 20, who works with his uncle at the station. Some thought they may have once had it, he said.

"They had a ticket and they lost it, or they opened their sunroof and everything flew off. ... We easily get 20 to 30 calls a day about that ticket," Patel said.

The other ticket was sold at a Conoco station in Littleton, Colo.

Each ticket was worth $853,492 and were bought for the same Oct. 19 drawing that garnered a jackpot of $340 million. That jackpot was claimed by a family in Oregon.

The winning numbers were 7, 21, 43, 44, 49 and the Powerball 29. Second-place prize-winners match the first five numbers but not the Powerball. Forty-seven second-place prizes were redeemed for the Oct. 19 drawing.
Unclaimed prize money is not unusual. In Colorado last year, $9,330,287 in lottery prizes went unclaimed, according to Kristen Shew, a spokeswoman for the Colorado Lottery. About $8 million went unclaimed in Kentucky.

In 2003, a $30 million Powerball jackpot sold in Indiana went unclaimed.
"Often times, people buy tickets out of habit, and those tickets accumulate in a drawer somewhere and they forget to check them, and you know - out of luck," Shew said.

Westerman says big jackpots attract people who do not usually play Powerball, so "they don't realize there are nine ways to win."

Unclaimed winnings are returned to the states that sell Powerball tickets. Kentucky will donate about $231,000 to the Kentucky Education Excellence Scholarship, a merit-based scholarship for college-bound high school students. Colorado will donate about $229,000 to outdoor, recreation and parks facilities.

Patel said the location of his station means the ticket could be anywhere. The Hebron BP is on Interstate 275, close to the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International Airport.

"Probably some traveler flew by and bought a ticket," he said.

When Not To Cry Wolf ...

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr.Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf."

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to poop!"

Pet Blogs

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY BLOG:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!

9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!

10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!

12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!

1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!

3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag my tail in joy.

4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!

5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!

7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!

8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!

11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo great!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY BLOG:

Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now.

number numbers everywhere numbers

When I went to Wendy's today, my total was: $3.33
DUUUN-DUUUUUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!

I think it's a sign... a sign that I shouldn't be eating fast food. ;p

And speaking of numbers ...

The mileage on my car rolled over today: 122221
And looking at the clock during the day I saw:

1:11
3:33
5:55

Who else is scared? :D

And now a Crab by any other name ...

Tonight is fish night. Again.

I was invited by the parentals to attend the Friday Night is Fish Night dinner out at Ruby Tuesday's. Since my social calendar appeared to be quite empty, I accepted with alacrity ... which I was shortly to regret.

The whole five minute ride was an opportunity for my mother to catch up on haranguing my father about everything and anything. I felt very sorry for him as she snarked one acid comment after another:

Mom: "Did you get money for dinner? Well maybe you should BEFORE we get to the restaurant!"
Dad: "I was going to stop at the bank right next to the restaurant, that's why I picked it."

Mom: "You need to go faster. It's 45mph in here and you're not going fast enough. The guy behind you is having a fit."
Dad: "I'm going 45."
Mom: "That's not fast enough. You know when it SAYS 45, people actually do at least 50. Step on it!"

So I tried to interject something harmless and desperately hope to change the subject and regain the peace.

"Did you find a car you like yet?" My parents have been car hunting for awhile, but they can't agree on anything.

Mom: "Ha. Looking with HIM along? Forget it. He doesn't like anything I like."
Dad: "I don't see why we need another V-8. That's the whole reason we are car shopping, so we can get something that's more economical."
Mom: "I'm not driving some stupid hybrid, just so you can be economical. They're too small inside and cut off the circulation in my leg."
Dad: "I measured the interior. It's exactly the same size as the one we've got now."
Mom: "I don't care what you measure, it's not the same, end of discussion."

Oh thank GOD! We arrived before it could escalate into something more horrific that it already was. Ruby Tuesday's never looked more like sanctuary.

We were seated at a booth, me on one side, Dad and Mom squished together on the other. I was going to offer Dad room next to me, but didn't want to start the "are you saying I'm FAT?" argument, so said nothing.

Dinner was quick to arrive, only my mother's face curdled like spoilt milk when she saw hers.

Mom: "What is THIS? I didn't order this!"

The flustered waitress said "Crab dinner?"

Mom: "I ordered Coconut Shrimp!"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'll get it fixed for you right away! I don't know what happened. You said shrimp and I wrote down CRAB."

She scuttled away and I tried to look anywhere but at my mother, the woman accurately pegged by the waitress as CRAB.

Unfortunately, I caught my Dad's eye, and I think he and I were on the same wavelength and we both started to snicker, something Mom caught and immediately took umbrage over...

"What's so funny?"

Trying to salvage the situation I said, "I shouldn't have come to dinner tonight. This is the Backfin's Revenge ... the night when Dad and I got no food and you got food all night long. It's the universe trying to make things right."

Luckily, my light touch served to restore my mother's ever dwindling sense of humor, and she laughed and sat back to wait her food.

Good thing the waitress pegged her so accurately, because when she arrived bearing the correct dish, she had had the foresight to add extra shrimp, so the crab retreated for awhile and we were able to enjoy our Friday Night is Fish Night.

Until the next one...

The Silver Lining

Today on tv I heard someone exclaiming about "The Silver Lining" to be found while doing your taxes this year. With a big procrastinator's sigh I realized that today would be as good as any to find out how much I was going to owe Uncle Sam this, something I'd been putting off because it was way too depressing, when I considered my dwindling funds and the ever increasing coverage I seemed to need for everyday items.

I sat down grimly determined not to get upset no matter how much Uncle Sam hit me up with. I wondered if one could file an extension because one is unemployed and can't cover taxes due, or was that how they finally caught Al Capone?

As I have done the past few years, I went to the IRS website and took advantage of the WONDERFUL thing called "free file" (if you haven't heard of it yet, you need to check it out!) and proceeded to use TurboTax to file my return. For FREE.

With sweaty palms and nervous twitches, I entered all of my W-2's, 1099's and other miscellaneous forms, as the software did its amazing calculations and put an unbelievable number up in the corner, a number that was GREEN, indicating a REFUND!

At the end of it, the number in the corner, although smaller than when I started, still showed GREEN, and a fairly substantial number in GREEN, too!

I actually stood up and did a partial jig! (Good thing no one was around, because it wasn't my best, but was certainly heartfelt!)

Thanks to my love of refunds vs. payment due, I had elected to take 0 deductions at my last, most unfortunate place of employment. Oh thank GOODNESS for my little foresight! I could have kissed me!

I discovered the "Silver Lining" although probably not the one they were referring to on the commercial, it worked for me!

Timing

The strangest thing has been happening to me for quite some time now ... when I look at a clock I see numbers arranged in repeating patterns. For example, this is what I saw yesterday at various times of the day:

11:11am
1:23pm
2:34pm
3:33pm
1:11am

I've made a few inquiries to see if anyone else has noticed this about themselves, but so far, I'm the only one admitting it. What could this mean?

Well, I know that this strange gift hasn't yet provided me with the answers to the great mysteries of the world: who built the idols of Easter Island, where is Jimmy Hoffa, and how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

But I'm hopeful that soon I shall know more, based on my amazing affinity for numbers! ;D