And now a Crab by any other name ...

Tonight is fish night. Again.

I was invited by the parentals to attend the Friday Night is Fish Night dinner out at Ruby Tuesday's. Since my social calendar appeared to be quite empty, I accepted with alacrity ... which I was shortly to regret.

The whole five minute ride was an opportunity for my mother to catch up on haranguing my father about everything and anything. I felt very sorry for him as she snarked one acid comment after another:

Mom: "Did you get money for dinner? Well maybe you should BEFORE we get to the restaurant!"
Dad: "I was going to stop at the bank right next to the restaurant, that's why I picked it."

Mom: "You need to go faster. It's 45mph in here and you're not going fast enough. The guy behind you is having a fit."
Dad: "I'm going 45."
Mom: "That's not fast enough. You know when it SAYS 45, people actually do at least 50. Step on it!"

So I tried to interject something harmless and desperately hope to change the subject and regain the peace.

"Did you find a car you like yet?" My parents have been car hunting for awhile, but they can't agree on anything.

Mom: "Ha. Looking with HIM along? Forget it. He doesn't like anything I like."
Dad: "I don't see why we need another V-8. That's the whole reason we are car shopping, so we can get something that's more economical."
Mom: "I'm not driving some stupid hybrid, just so you can be economical. They're too small inside and cut off the circulation in my leg."
Dad: "I measured the interior. It's exactly the same size as the one we've got now."
Mom: "I don't care what you measure, it's not the same, end of discussion."

Oh thank GOD! We arrived before it could escalate into something more horrific that it already was. Ruby Tuesday's never looked more like sanctuary.

We were seated at a booth, me on one side, Dad and Mom squished together on the other. I was going to offer Dad room next to me, but didn't want to start the "are you saying I'm FAT?" argument, so said nothing.

Dinner was quick to arrive, only my mother's face curdled like spoilt milk when she saw hers.

Mom: "What is THIS? I didn't order this!"

The flustered waitress said "Crab dinner?"

Mom: "I ordered Coconut Shrimp!"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'll get it fixed for you right away! I don't know what happened. You said shrimp and I wrote down CRAB."

She scuttled away and I tried to look anywhere but at my mother, the woman accurately pegged by the waitress as CRAB.

Unfortunately, I caught my Dad's eye, and I think he and I were on the same wavelength and we both started to snicker, something Mom caught and immediately took umbrage over...

"What's so funny?"

Trying to salvage the situation I said, "I shouldn't have come to dinner tonight. This is the Backfin's Revenge ... the night when Dad and I got no food and you got food all night long. It's the universe trying to make things right."

Luckily, my light touch served to restore my mother's ever dwindling sense of humor, and she laughed and sat back to wait her food.

Good thing the waitress pegged her so accurately, because when she arrived bearing the correct dish, she had had the foresight to add extra shrimp, so the crab retreated for awhile and we were able to enjoy our Friday Night is Fish Night.

Until the next one...